How to Write a Breakup Letter Not Breaking the Heart

We always hope that our bonds with loved ones will never end. But twists of fate can be unpredictable and dramatic. There are many reasons for a breakup, and there are many ways to take this step. We are not psychologists, so we can’t recommend you any of the methods. However, we can teach you how to write a breakup letter to say goodbye.

how to write a breakup letter

For some people, it is impossible to clearly formulate their thoughts under pressure. That’s why you can write a Dear John letter not only to send it but also to read it personally. In such a manner, you’ll be sure to say to the person everything that has to be said. We won’t waste your time on the longest introduction ever. Let’s learn more about how to write a Dear John letter and break his heart gently.

How to Write a Breakup Letter to Someone You Love: Helpful Tips

Remember that there is no way to write a breakup letter in a pleasant way. Both writing and reading processes will be painful no matter what words you’ll pick. We don’t want to scare you, but we kindly ask you to be as delicate as possible. Here are a few useful tips to start our guide on how to write a goodbye letter to someone you love:

  • Be grateful

It doesn’t matter that your relationship doesn’t work anymore. If you’ve decided to write such a letter and not just run away, it means that you care about the person. So say “thank you.” Write that you appreciate all the time spent together and will save the memories for a lifetime. Please, don’t describe those memories in detail, as it may hurt a lot.

  • Be clear

There is no place for metaphors in Dear John letters. You have to be delicate but make sure that the person understands your intentions. Don’t say anything like, “For now, our relationship is impossible.” If you’re sure about your decision, don’t leave the person with the feeling of a vain hope.

  • Be objective

Please, put aside banal expressions like, “It’s me, not you,” “You’re too good for me,” etc. They sound forced and unnatural. If you want to leave someone, there is probably something wrong with this person. Maybe your life principles are too different or your plans for the future are incompatible. Don’t blame anyone for this breakup: not him, nor yourself. But the question, “What’s wrong with me?” must not come to his mind.

  • Be supportive

We don’t want to lie to you: this letter won’t be the best part of his day. Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine what words would probably make the reading less painful. Mention that you really care about the person’s feelings and want him to be happy.

  • Be sure

Think twice before googling “how to write a Dear John letter.” If you don’t actually want to terminate the relationship, maybe you just need an honest conversation. The person you want to break up with can’t read your thoughts. Perhaps, he doesn’t even know that you have some doubts or problems. Make sure that there are serious reasons to write a Dear John letter.

If you haven’t changed your mind yet, it’s the right moment to take a closer look at the writing process itself. We’ll teach you how to start a breakup letter and how to end a breakup letter. And we’ll also give you some recommendations on what should be in the middle.

How to Write a Breakup Letter: 10 Steps

Below, we’ll discuss not only the writing process itself, but also how to properly express your emotions and how to handle your feelings. We know that composing such a letter can be a real challenge, especially for emotional ladies. Anyway, don’t think that you are the only person on planet Earth who faces this problem. Such situations are quite typical. That’s why we have the following plan for you:

1. Take your time

If you’re nervous or stressed, you are not able to think logically and definitely not able to create a decent Dear John letter. We understand that it’s very hard to calm down in such a situation, but we kindly ask you not to start your writing before you’re actually ready.

2. Make lists

This might sound cynical, but lists can be extremely helpful. Look at your relationship and partner from different angles and write down both positive and negative points in separate lists. Try to be objective and unbiased. There is always something good and something bad about any relationship and person.

3. Define the crucial points

When you have two lists, it’s the right moment to understand what really matters. For example, your boyfriend doesn’t spend much time with you. That’s not good. But he tries to make money in order to buy an apartment and live with you. Which of these points is of importance?

4. Choose your tone

Before writing a breakup letter, you have to pick the right tone. If your letter is not aimed at hurting the recipient’s feelings, you should exclude accusatory, aggressive, and indifferent emotions from your writing. So what options do you have? Be supportive, be grateful, and be caring. Expressing your feelings is fine when it comes to writing a Dear John letter.

5. Write the first sentence

That’s much more challenging than writing the first sentence for any type of essay. We can give you only one recommendation on how to start a breakup letter: don’t start it with “Dear John.” You can use this option only if your boyfriend’s name is really “John.” Fine, there is one more tip: your first sentence shouldn’t be too positive. You’re not going to congratulate anybody, right?

6. Compose the first draft

You can be 100% sure that you won’t get it right on the first try. Just write down all the things that come to your mind. Don’t try to structure or organize your thoughts all at once. Now, your main task is to not forget any crucial detail. Remember that this letter might be the last opportunity to share your feelings with the recipient.

7. Rewrite awkward phrases

Read your first draft and indicate all the sentences that don’t sound like they should. As mentioned above, you have to exclude aggression, blaming, and ambiguity. If you don’t feel comfortable while writing about certain things, don’t you think that the recipient will feel comfortable while reading them?

8. Have some rest

You don’t have a deadline, right? Take a break. Think thoroughly about what you’ve just written. Maybe the writing process was enough for you to understand that this decision is not the best way to solve all of the problems. If you’re still sure about sending this letter, move on to the next step.

9. Reread and polish

If you are really going to make it – make it right. When we are getting too emotional, it’s hard to pay attention to the details. So now, when you’ve had a break, it is easier to look at your letter from a fresh perspective. We’ve promised to give you some tips on how to end a breakup letter.

Firstly, don’t write that you want to remain friends if you’re not actually ready for this. Secondly, don’t mention that life without you will be better for the recipient. If he disagrees, he will have a full right to try to get you back. Finally, forget about your sense of humor for now. After reading the whole letter, your Dear John is probably not in the right mood for jokes.

10. DON’T get feedback

Breakup letters are extremely personal! Don’t drag your friends or family into it. Having a few spelling mistakes is much better than sharing your intimate secrets with a third party.

You have all the instructions on how to write a breakup letter to your boyfriend, lover, or husband. We are sure that you’re prepared to make this step. Yet, we’re not sure that you should. Think twice before terminating your relationship using a letter. If you haven’t changed your mind, we have one more helpful material for you. Our Dear John letter sample is written by one of our writers. You can read it to get a general understanding of how it should be composed.

Break Up Over Example Analyzed

We are sure that you have enough feelings to express them in your letter. But we are not sure if you’re ready to do it in the right way. The best method to help you is for us to present a good example written by one of our professional writers. In addition, there are some helpful comments, so you’ll know why every part of this sample is important for the full picture.

Click on the image to see its full size.

how to write a breakup letter to someone you love

We hope that you will never be in the situation where you’ll need our guide on how to write a breakup letter. Love is a great power and a true gift. Don’t waste it because of your fears or doubts.